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5 Bad Habits That Will Ruin A Relationship

By Mel Sim for Yahoo! Southeast Asia | Mon, 6 January 2014
5 Bad Habits That Will Ruin A Relationship

Bad habits are fine if you’re living by yourself. But if it involves a significant other, it can become a hindrance to your relationship progressing into anything serious. Nothing kills a relationship faster than bad habits that either irk your partner or create unnecessary tension between the two of you. And like it or not, most of us ladies have some really annoying habits that can drive him up the wall (and away from you).

Read on to see if these habits are familiar and find out how to get rid of them.

1. Nagging
One minute it’s about his laundry. Next, it is about his good-for-nothing friends. Tomorrow, there will be something else that you will be nagging about. And there’s no stopping you! Nobody wants to feel like they are dating their mothers or that whatever they do is not good enough. And with nagging also comes the bad habit of wanting to change your man, whether it is with his appearance or the way he handles his career or personal life.

You don’t have to nitpick every little thing in his life. Just focus on the big things (for example, if he should be a little more proactive with his job and don’t nag, but encourage instead). You don’t want him to look at you when you are nagging, wondering why he’s putting up with being chided all the time.

2. Spending way too much
Research shows that one of the most common thing couples fight about is money. And when there’s lack of it, the fighting becomes even more consistent. So if you and your guy are trying to save up for a house or a holiday, going on a shopping splurge is not going to please him, especially when he’s the only one saving while you are spending. If you are married or working towards that, your impulsive spending will send his cue that he’s building a life with someone who has little regards for financial stability in the future!

Sit down together and work out a budget that you are comfortable with. And stick with it! There’s no point to this if you find yourself having to hide your purchases. You’ll soon realize how much money you’ve wasted when all that can be used towards building financial security together.

3. Just a little snoop
Sure, it’s one little peek into his text messages at first but as curiosity gets to you, you’ll find yourself complete engrossed into his every private life, from his emails to his Facebook messages! Spying on your guy is never a good thing, especially when a healthy relationship is based on trust. Besides, you wouldn’t want him to be looking through your stuff with a fine-tooth comb either. And imagine if he finds out what you’ve been doing, especially when he has nothing to hide in the first place? If you’re sure he’s hiding something, then either confront him and if you really can’t trust his word, what are you still doing with him in the first place?

4. One small lie

What’s one white lie, right? Well, it is one lie that can lead to another and another and another. Whether you’re lying over what you really think of his new hair cut or how you were actually with your friendly ex instead of your BFF last night, it’s never good to hide things from your partner, big or small. This shows that you either don’t trust him or that you are hiding something you know for sure will make him really upset should he ever find out (which he is most likely to!)

The key to a lasting relationship is openness and honesty. You’d want him to treat you with the same respect so why not offer him the truth? Nobody likes to feel like they’ve been taken for a ride.

5. Green-eyed monster
We get it—you don’t like how chummy your guy is with that sassy hot colleague. But showing your dissatisfaction is one, embarrassing for you, your guy and his friend, and two, a sign of your insecurity in the relationship. Also, if your guy is just being friendly and there’s really nothing going on between him and that colleague (or anyone else for that matter), chances are he’ll be really annoyed with your jealousy, especially if you’ve been accusing him of things!

Find it within yourself to be confident and not to doubt anyone. Besides, he really could have eyes just for you, until you drive him away with your crazy jealous ways.

How To Keep Your Cool Under Pressure

By Mel Sin for Yahoo! Southeast Asia | Sat, 4 May 2013

There are days when you feel your buttons are being pushed way too hard. But the last thing you want to do is detonate in bad language and angry gestures! So here you go – our tips on how you can keep cool in various situations and come out of it smiling (even if you were boiling inside to begin with!).

How to keep cool… with your kids
One for the moms: Like it or not, but kids can have a knack for bringing out the worst in adults. And it may seem easier to just give up and throw in the towel when dealing with a difficult child, or lose your temper, which isn’t exactly ideal.

So how do you keep your cool when your temper is red hot? Try this: Look at the situation in perspective. Your child may have a reason for lashing out or could be having an off day, which is completely normal as we are all entitled. So instead of being angry, take a breather and know that your child doesn’t intend to drive you crazy; he or she just needs a little more attention than before.

The other thing that works? Get goofy! Nothing works like being silly. This provides a great distraction and soon everyone–kid and you included–will forget why you’re angry in the first place. Sing a silly song, dance crazily, or just have a tickle fest. It works all the time.

How to keep your cool… with annoying colleagues
We all have them–annoying colleagues who just say the wrong thing and do the darnest thing to get on our nerves. From not meeting their end of the bargain to simply not knowing when to shut up, we don’t blame you if there are days when you feel like using the tape to seal your colleague’s mouth shut.

Wait, let go of that masking tape and opt out of violence instead. You don’t want to blow up and be known as the “Crazy One” at work. First things first, to remain calm and to keep your composed professional self–breathe. While your first instinct may be to snap back at your colleague, you’re better off stepping back and taking a deep breath instead. This buys you time to stop you from saying something you will regret. If you must, vent to a friend (someone completely out of your working zone) over a cup of coffee. Just being able to let it all out can do wonders to your mood.

Still annoyed? Find your happy place. Whether it is a few minutes on your favorite website or moving on to the next level on Candy Crush, taking time out will distract you from what’s bothering you in the first place, lets you ease your stress, and help you get back to work in a better mood.

How to keep your cool… when fighting with your partner

You’re both raising your voices and tempers are rising. But before that fight with your boyfriend or your husband turns into an all-out argument where you’ll both regret the things that come out from your mouth, try this.

In the article Fighting Happily Ever After by Elizabeth Bernstein from online.wsj.com, Dr. Howard Markman, professor of psychology at the University of Denver as well as co-author of Fighting for Your Marriage, calls it the “speaker-listener technique”. In this technique, Bernstein explains that Dr. Howard suggests  “couples who have adisagreement should call a couple’s meeting, set a time limit of 15 minutes, and discuss the issue at hand. He even suggests flipping a coin to see who gets to speak first.”

After stating your piece, you should then give your partner the chance to speak, explaining one’s position. “A lot of times, all you need is to be listened to,” says Dr. Markman. Through this exercise, the resolution will then become obvious, says the good doctor. If not? It’s time to schedule another meeting.

Remember the few golden rules of fighting: don’t make it personal, stop trying to win all the time, and make sure to listen. You’ll soon realize that the argument was for nothing.